Kim Kardashian’s Sham Marriage.

This is going to be a complex and multi-layered post because it is going to be referencing the thoughts and feelings of TWO cultcha vultchas. Please welcome guest-blogger Costa to Would Jess Like It.

Costa is good at a lot of things – sassy wordplay, legal matters, and “who dat bitch and what she doing” culture analysis. And he has some things to tell you today.

We have both been struck by the recent fizzling of Kim and Kris Kardashian’s marriage.”WHAT A BUMMER” we both said, “they obviously both tried so hard to make it work. You can see the strain around Kim’s eyes from the effort. You can see that marriage means a lot to them. You can see that this will KEEP EM UP AT NIGHT the way it’s keeping up both of us respectively, so we end up calling each other at 3am on weeknights and just breathing shakily down the dial. This is BAD NEWS.”

Except. This is a chance for us to re-frame our conversations about marriage equality. The more that these awful  emotionbot leaches like Kim ‘n’ co continue to chip away at the insitution of marriage, the more that platitudes of “marriage is a sacred act between man and woman” lose their legitimacy. If only that was what she intended, right?

CULTURAL PROVOCATEUR

ANYWAY: read below from Costa’s blog

Kim Kardashian, you rile me bad. Let’s start with the sham marriage and move out.

Firstly, it is a slap in the face to the 434 gays that pick your clothes, paint your nails, match your handbag, road test your shoes, do your long hair, take that long hair and suture it to your scalp hair, and douche you before a night on the town for you to use marriage as a cheap way to get attention, money, attention and money. This is because those 430 gays and their gay brothers and sisters are right now doing their utmost to prove to the straight world that they should be allowed to marry. That they won’t cheapen or defile the institution. How dare you piss on this thing for a quid and a laugh, when there are those out there fighting earnestly for it? Those, incidently, that are probably 2 feet away from you right now wiping spray tan off your elbows!

And what the fuck kind of society do we have that allows scum like this to get married, but not champions like me and my gay mates? (Editor’s note: the author’s a mo.)

Though maybe we should thank Kim Kardashian for bringing to light what’s really going on in the marriage debate. The wedding of Kim Kardashian and The Groom makes abundantly clear that it is perfectly OK for straights to cheapen and defile the institution. There is nothing stopping her or every other straight from doing that. No laws are being bandied about to stop straights from wrecking the institution from the inside out. As John Waters says, if you really want to protect heterosexual marriage, outlaw heterosexual divorce. It seems the problem isn’t about people not taking marriage seriously, it is simply about keeping gays out.

So thanks Kim Kardashian. If your marriage was some kind of awesome piece of performance art on the world stage to tease out the paradoxes in marriage inequality, then you have shown yourself to be a deft provocateur. If, however, the more likely explanation is true – that you’re nothing more than a bullshit artist trying to make a buck regardless of the fans you betray, the institutions you tarnish, and the attention you suck – then you suck.

And another thing! Your main demographic is impressionable young girls. They deserve better than you (Editors Note: and Belle from Twilight). They shouldn’t be getting the idea that marriage is just a party rather than a commitment. That you don’t have to love the guy; you don’t even have to like him. That all that matters is the dress, the cake, how you look and the profit margins. That it’s not about love, it’s about money. Now that is a really traditional view of marriage.

And frick, one last thing!!! Who ARE you Kim Kardashian?! I know your media persona, but is there a real *YOU* under there? How can anyone (yourself included!) ever tell what’s real and what’s not when you’re willing to fake something as important as a relationship and a marriage, simply because it would make good TV and make good money. Maybe there is a real you under all there, or maybe by now the mask has become your face. Or maybe the fact you were born and raised by a family that could give this kind of scam their full blessing suggests a ‘you’ that isn’t merely opportunistic, lying surface never had a chance of being nurtured in the first place.

Thank you Costa. And let’s take this as a call to arms. Let’s take Kim’s radical performative statement to heart, and bring it home. Let’s cheapen and defile this institution so bad that the only way to redeem it is to outlaw all marriage and make everybody equal under the law.

Let’s turn this sour egg into a delicious cheesy omelette, seasoned with great things like education garlic and mind-broadening parsley.And then we can all share a breakfast of FREEDOM!