YES.

– Hey guys has anyone seen my Tresemme?

– Um, no, sorry!

– Seriously Agatha you always steal my shit.

– I didn’t, Hortence.

– The Tresemme is the tip of the iceberg.

– Get over it.

– I paid my own $7.50 for that 2 litre tub. Not your $7.50.

– It was just a tiny smidge. I didn’t, like, finish off the whole 2 litres.

– Why is it missing then?

– I think it’s actually a favour for you.

– What?

– I think your hair is bristly and thin and shitty and you need to use a much better quality shampoo than something that comes in a 2 litre trough and costs $7.50.

– So you hid it?

– Yes.

– I think I’d like to make my own hair decisions, Agatha.

– I think that updo you had at your cousin’s Bar Mitzvah begs to differ, Horty.

Long and unpleasant pause.

– Give it back.

– No.

– Give it back.

– NO.

– Seriously.

– You need a shampoo that protects and moisturises. You don’t want a shampoo that, 1 day without washing, leaves you looking like this, like a hideous dying hag hobbling into our kitchen wailing for some sweet sweet shampoo. Longterm protection and shine. Longterm care and premium glossiness.

– I can’t afford that Aveda stuff. It’s really nice and it’s full of buruti oil or some shit, but it costs $50 a tube and NO WAY am I paying that shit. I don’t care how luscious and shiny. I don’t care what sort of baby animal I feel like. I don’t care that the aromatherapy is simply divine. I am not paying that sort of money. Not with my medical bills for this rare spinal condition. Not with my speech therapy classes. Not with my professional choir sponsorship bills. I cannot afford a better shampoo so I will use the 2 litre tub that costs $7.50 thank you very much. And I will not pretend “it’s so much better than the posh brands” and “how did they keep it SECRET for so LONG”, but I will just use it cos IT IS WHAT IT IS and you can’t do any more than that.

 Hortence rips open Agatha’s chest and rib cage, wrenches out what should be her heart, and pulls out a blood-slimed bottle of Tresemme.

– Ladies. When you just need some shampoo that is okay but not amazing, but won’t cost you $50 a tube. Use Tresemme.