Jessica Bellamy

Lindsay Lohan’s Film Oeuvre

YES.

I’d like to take a quiet moment to reflect on all the rich and juicy life lessons we’ve learnt from Lindsay Lohan’s diverse body of films, and the ways in which they can inform us in everyday life.

Bitch is a right Elia Kazan.

Lessons include:

The Parent Trap: Family togetherness is a Good Thing, as are housekeepers, ranches, and your own fugly fashion line that includes BRIDAL HATS.

Labor Pains: Honesty is Really Important Too, I Guess.

I Know Who Killed Me: Sometimes life is ugly and badly acted.

Georgia Rule: Innocence, once lost, shat on, and stubbed into the ground with a stiletto heel, cannot be regained.

Herbie Fully Loaded: You, a woman, can do fucking anything. YOU FUCKING CAN, BITCH.

Mean Girls: Don’t be a douchebag if you’re not naturally a douchebag, because shit will backfire and bite you in the arse, and I’m mixing metaphors but you know what I mean. If you are naturally a douchebag, then go you good thing, don’t let me stop you.

Freaky Friday: Families are all very different and complicated in their own ways, and your family really does want the best for you, it’s just we live in really tough climes and communicate is never quite complete, yknow, and sometimes all it takes is a simple mother-daughter body swap with hilarious consequences to drill that point right on in.

Thank you Lindsay.

1 thought on “Lindsay Lohan’s Film Oeuvre”

  1. coloursofbyron

    She’s the new Orson Welles. Except that when she drops the glass full of snow she doesn’t say “Rosebud” but “Shit! You know what that stuff costs?”

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