Ok, this one surprised me, cos as far as I’m concerned, everything is better online. You’re in a chair that you like, you have all your good luck plants around you, you can take your time in answering invasive questions about your personal life, you can be wearing the same mustard jumper you were wearing all of last week…

But I was wrong.

Life is much better offline. For example, when you’re sitting in a dog park, on a dog hill, surrounded by real and not tamagotchi dogs. When you go to Woolies and choose your OWN banana with your OWN hands and pay your OWN $3.50 for it. When you tell someone to their FACE, “that was stupid and insensitive” or “I find your social deficits really unattractive” or “I don’t want to be penpals” and you watch their head explode, because people just don’t SAY that sort of thing, honest and real stuff like that, to each other anymore.


So, grab a real dog and a real banana and start sassing out some strangers, face to face.

Just…don’t forget to keep reading this blog, I guess.